Life As I Know It

Life As I Know It

Sunday, September 19, 2010

"Hello?, Is This India?"

The last couple of days, I haven't been able to access the Internet.  I thought, well maybe I didn't pay the bill? So, I got on the phone called in and submitted a $50 payment.  The recording told me to give at least 30 minutes for the transaction to complete and the service should be connected.

One day later and I still can't get online.  Time to move on to the big gun, Tech Support.    I placed the call at 8:21 am.  I honestly, thought it would be a brief call.  Either my bill was really late and I needed to pay more or they simply forgot to reconnect the service.  I wasn't that lucky....

The gentleman had a very strong accent.  If I had to guess, I'd say it was an Indian accent? 

First he told me, that I needed to get behind the modem and get the model and make.  I just looked at my computer modem and paused.  Then I said to him, "It's not really going to be easy to get that information, Sir."

"Ma'am, I need to know the make and model to proceed to the next step.  I took a breath and  said, "Okay", I sat the phone on the table then  went to work.  You see Alma is a hoarder.  She hasn't reached the extremes yet; I can still walk around and we can entertain over 100 people comfortably.  At this stage, the modem is one of her storage areas.  I began unloading the various items.  Notebooks, CD's Book, Wow (I found candles), papers, etc.   A few minutes later, I hear a stern  "Ma'am.  I need the make and model number to proceed."  I looked at the phone, and he gets an equally irritated, "Yes, I know I'm working on it.  I told you it wouldn't be easy." 

A couple of minutes later and I have it!  Dell Dimension E5-  "NO! Ma'am I need the make and model of the modem for the internet, not your computer."  I swung around to the phone and then looked on the floor.  That modem was sitting on the floor just beside the lamp, I easily picked it up. 

I growled into the phone, "Wish I had realized that was the modem you were talking about, that would have been much easier!"

Several tasks later and my patience has started to get to me. With every configuration, it gets more ridiculous.  He would have me run a program and I would have to clarify the letters.  When I thought he said Bing, he really meant ping.  He would then spell it out in the most tongue biting tone, "NO MA'AM! P AS IN PENNSYLVANIA, I AS IN INDIA, N AS IN NANCY, G AS IN GIRL. PING, PING, PING!"  This happened  several times. "C AS IN CHARLIE, D AS IN DAVID, M AS IN MIKE!" It was then that I started giggling.  This was the most ridiculous phone call ever.

Over and hour later, I finally got it fixed.    Please never again!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Confessions, too funny to keep quiet!

Many, many blogs ago.... I wrote about the itchy rash that I tend to get on my left leg. It can happen at any time, and when it does O-M-G! To scratch it is pure heaven!

Well, I'll get back to that in a minute...but Saturday night Alma and I went to see the boys, the usual. We had some of Alma's a$$, sang a few songs, had a few dances, etc. We headed home around midnight for our own little party.

I won't go into the steamy details, but we had our fun. Started to relax and then Alma asked for a story. She loves it when I tell her a good story filled with all the dirty details. I also like to add a few moans and shout outs of my own. Anyways, the end result was one great big "O" for my lady.
Now back to the itchy rash on my leg. As Alma and I were eating Sunday brunch, I told her that I had a confession to make. She looked at me and grinned and said a shaky "okay".

I said, "You know last night when I was telling that story. When I was moaning and saying over and over "feels so good". She laughed, "Yes".

"Well, at some point just before,  I grazed my itchy leg with the heel of my foot. Then again and again and again until I was moaning in sheer bliss. It felt so damn good. My heel was a little rough which made it even better!"

Alma almost lost her soup laughing at me. Just leaves me with one thought... I should rethink filing my feet anytime soon. Or at least the heel!

Hanging Up On The Bootie Call, Part III

February 26, 2008 - Tuesday

Of course you all know about my previuos 2 blogs. Again, if you haven't read them...STOP. Go back and read and then continue.

This is the latest E-mail from our friend, Romeo. Thought I'd share it with you since you have been following thus far. And believe me I am under no illusions here, I'm sure bitch was the word first keyed in with hard-core. LOL!

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Romeo

Date: Feb 25, 2008 7:27 PM
I must say you're a hardcore girl. I didn't mean any harm just gave Alma a compliment and I think you got alittle offended. Those commnets were not even mine and I nore Rico or Diane said that about you all, hell I didn't know it until the guys said it. They even was trying to be funny and said Alma was trying to get with my girl. I'm sorry if I offended either of you in any way. Hey I love sex like to be alittle wild and thought she was cute so then I just put the offer out there, you should feel good.

This is my response and final blog about it. He is starting to bore me!

You didn't mean any harm? You think I got a little offended?

Did you pay attention to my E-mails? Of course you didn't, your EGO obviously stood in the way of my words.
1st E-mail---I laughed with you about it, taking it that you didn't know that she was in a relationship. Once I had explained, I looked ahead to us meeting again and all of us laughing about your offer.

2nd E-mail---you extend the offer, I'm sorry challenge to both of us? Yes, that offended me. You, my "not-so-good" friend, are the kind of man that women like me (and I don't mean because I'm a lesbian) despise. You think you have this grand gift that we are just dying to open up. Guess what? I'd rather just throw your ass in the nearest dumpster. You are presenting yourself as trash, I might as well toss you. Isn't that how you would decribe a woman who might put herself out there as you have?

As for the comments, again read my E-mail. I never said that you, Rico or Diane made them. I merely commented on your need to share it with us. My point was, that since THEY are our friends, they would not have wanted us to know that those words were said.

And your friends joking that Alma was trying to get with your that made your "little soldier" swell with envy, huh? And Your girl? Think she'd appreciate knowing that you extended such an offer to another woman?

I should feel good about your offer? Again, go back and read my 1st E-mail. Then read your reply....realize that you are an I-D-I-O-T and move on.

Oh and I got a big tip for you. Next time you want to apologize, try not to follow it up with why I should feel good about your obnoxious behavior.

It's true you know, what they say, boys will be boys. Let's hope one day you'll be man enough to look back at this and realize just how big of a dick you have been.

Please don't be offended now...afterall, I did mention you, dick and big all in the same sentence!



Monday, September 6, 2010

Bootie Call (E-mail) Part II

February 25, 2008 - Monday
If you didn't read my last blog, STOP NOW. Go back and read and then continue with this one!

Our friend finally wrote us back. Here goes:

----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: Romeo

Date: Feb 24, 2008 11:10 PM
Well it did catch me off guard and I didn'nt realize that her girl would be reading her I remember you but only because of what I overheard others say. I heard someone make the comment there goes Almas gay ass friends and that's when I looked over there. Nah I can't say that I need a man every once in awhile, NEVER. I love females to much and I can give one whatever another woman can. I shall hope that you would greet me and we laugh back at these emails. But if you're so sure about your status than let me challenge you to a threesome then and we'll see if you two think the same of each other. Either you'll have feelings for me, she will or possibly both. That's just to see how sure you are. I call it a test but if you're scared of me coming in between you two just forget it. As you see I love to talk shit but cause no hard feelings and of course I am fun to be around.

My Response:

Well, lucky for you, I read this early this morning and had the day to calm down. I'm starting to learn a lot about your character Clyde, and I've decided that you're not much of a man.
First, there is the comment of "Alma's gay-ass friends". Not much of a friend of the bride and groom are you? To even throw that out there for us, guess we weren't really welcome at that reception, huh? Think they would have wanted you to tell us that? I'm sure they weren't the ones that said it, but I'm quite sure they wouldn't have wanted us to have heard about it. Great friend that you are, you decided to fill us in!

Second, in your own words, " Nah I can't say that I need a man every once in awhile, NEVER. I love females to much and I can give one whatever another woman can. " I'm sure I could have phrased it a little better, but I figure you'd understand your own words .

Third, the offer (I'm sorry, challenge) of a threesome. There is no contest here for us. We have nothing to prove to you. The idea that you think one of us would have feelings for you is absurd, but again typical arrogant male bullshit!

As for us greeting each other and laughing about these E-mails. That's cute! You know what, I figure why wait.

Your last E-mail, I had a little fun with. I reposted it in a blog, I changed your name there..."to protect the name of the dumbass", I believe that's how I worded it. Yeah, not this time.


His page was available to view before, but not for very long after this post. 

Bootie Call or Should I Say E-mail?

February 24, 2008 - Sunday

So everyone knows or I guess I should say, our friends know, that I keep Alma's page updated. She gets on every now and then and checks it out, but for the most part, it's all me. I do keep her informed of everything (i.e. E-mails, comments, etc.)

We had a good laugh yesterday from an E-mail sent to her. I have changed the name to protect the DUMBASS!
----------------- Original Message -----------------


Date: Feb 23, 2008 1:50 PM
What's up Alma? This is "STUD-MUFFIN", I met you last week. I've seen you around but really never got to know you. So what do you enjoy doing besides karoke and being a dj? You were looking pretty hott Saturday I thought maybe we could hook up sometime. I've heard people talking before saying you like women and if that's true cool, I have no problem with that and judge nobody. But even if that's true every woman still needs a guy every once in awhile. Hope to hear from you and hope not to offend you. Take care, your bud STUD-MUFFIN.

I, of course felt the need to give him a response. So read on:

Since you remember Alma, then maybe you will remember me. I was at the wedding with her, and yes I am her woman. First, let me agree with you, she was damn hot on Saturday. She is every day and fortunately for me, I get to look at her on a daily basis.

So, as for the possiblity of a hookup, not gonna happen. And as for your assumption, that every woman needs a man every once in a while...typical arrogant male bullshit!
Should I assume that as a straight man, you need the affections of another man every once in a while? Afterall, if what you say is true of lesbians...then I'd have to assume that the same is true for heterosexual men, right?
LOL! Bet that caught you off guard, huh? Listen STUD-MUFFIN, it's cool. I love that my lady has the ability to turn the heads of both men and women. She has that glow about her. I'll also take full credit for giving it to her. I appreciate you offering, but I can assure you that I am quite adept at giving Alma just what she wants.

Don't be shy when you see us now, we promise to greet you with a smile! Afterall, we'll both think back on this E-mail and laugh about.

Have a good one man!